My Little April Fool

After dodging my bio classes because I couldn't stand to hear another word about birth defects. After running out of the library with goosebumps when any relative called me, only to hear that they needed my school address. After walking into baby stores and resisting the urge to buy every tiny hat that would look hilarious on a face with huge eyeballs. Somewhere, somehow, between the daydreams and nightmares, the little one FINALLY decided to peek-a-boo and say wassup. And to my surprise, even though she has forsaken the umbilical cord, she still clings to my heartstrings.

Over the course of nine months, my sister's belly grew alongside the range of thoughts I had about this future infant. I went from worrying about her comfort in the womb to fantasizing about future Friends marathons (yes, it will still be that loved in fifteen years). And as the belly popped, so did my little bubble. I know that my life has officially changed, forever.

At first, I thought the excitement would subside. But even though the wait is over, my thoughts still circle around this baby. I don't plan out what she will achieve, where her interests will lie, because these expectations are dangerous to both parties when they aren't met. Instead, I wonder about things like how funny she'll be, having been born on the silliest day of the year. Or if we will ever get the chance to chill at the park and discuss life over Taco Bell. Or if she will think my extreme emotion towards her is borderline creepy.

I already picture her presence surrounding me. Despite the ocean that will forever separate us, she is here - watching me dance, even though she is only two hours old and it is probably nap time. This little fetus has somehow gotten under my skin, even though she isn't mine. My co-captain was also confused by this, and asked the earnest question, "How are you this excited, if you don't even want kids of your own?"I struggled with the answer.

The only thing I can come up with is that it doesn't make any logical sense. I'm not supposed to feel this attached to a baby that isn't mine, and I have absolutely no idea how handle such a new, raw feeling brewing inside of me. But for now, I will let it consume me. Because something about it feels too natural to ignore. Soon enough, time will be escaping me, and I will look back on this post. And with any luck, I'll smile at the fact that all of the love, stress, and wonderment I'm feeling, hasn't changed a bit.